Listening tO: my ceiLing fan...
feeLn: affected.. :(

tOday rustam (my 2nd brO) caLLed earLier at 7.30am.....tOLd his wife dat sumOne juz died in his arms.. a chi guy whO juz met up wif an accident...rustam was driving back hOme after werk wen he came to a junctiOn at LOyang...saw a taxi cOming tO a haLt...tOt der was nuthn...sO he juz drOve On sLOwLy tOwards the junctiOn...as he was apprOaching it he stOpped as it was a red Light..den he saw... not many vehicLes were ard i tink...der he saw a big cargO LOrry...a bike...n a mOtiOnLess bOdy On da rOad.. wOt he was witnessing was an accident scene which had juz happened Lyk abt cLOse tO a minute...One Of the 2 mLy dudes whO were in da LOrry was standing near the chi dude wif dat LOOk On his face....panicky...the Other One was crying at the kerb....rustam parked his car One side n ran aLL da way tO the dude whO was Lying On da fLOOr...der was sLight mOvement frOm him....nose n mOuth were bLeeding.. rustam caLLed the ambuLance...meantym he tried tO tOk tO the chi dude...heLd his hands...n tOLd him dat he's gOnna be OLryt....the dude LOOked at him...my brO kept On sayn '...eh...u're gOnna be OK...juz hang On...ambuLance On da way...u're fine...dun wOrry!!'...den breathed his Last...den he was gOne...juz Lyk dat....since it was juz after werktym sOme Other dudes whO juz finished werk frOm SIA engineering hangar were OLreadi der....One Of dem said dat 'eh tu budak kerja aku!!...' ...OnLy den my brO reaLised dat diz dude.. was frOm his werk pLace tOO...OnLy diff shift...either a technician Or a juniOr engineer whO had juz passed Out Lyk a few mths.....checked his puLse.. he LOOked ard n say tO dem...' he's gOne...'...ambuLance came....dey cOnfirmed his death...One Of da SIA dudes fOLLOwed the ambuLance..rustam stayed tiLL pOLice came.. juz in cme the mLy dudes ran away... den he went tO the hOspitaL... caLLed the chi guy's supervisOr n tOOk a LOOk at the dude in da rOOm...he cried whiLe tOuching the dude's fOrehead..'i'm sOrry....i tried tO heLp...but derz nuthn i cLd dO...i'm sOrry..' ....aLthO rustam had neva seen the dude ard...juz da fact dat he had died in his arms...datz the heartbreaking part...his mOm arrived....asked my brO if her sOn had suffered aLOt Of pain b4 he passed away... ObviOusLy he can't say yes!...the dude's hands n Legs were OLredi brOken n bOnes were prOtruding Out...ObviOusLy he was in pain...but he juz said nO...she gave my brO a hug..cried On his chest... he heLd back dOz tears...tried tO be strOng fOr the Lady... n did his share Of cryn On da way hOme..

i dunnO much...but i guez wen u r dying...u sorta wun feeL da much pain cOz u were OLredi suffering frOm tOO much pain......i knOw i dunnO the guy...but i was trying tO put myseLf in da shOes Of his LOve Ones...sisters...gf...mOm...n i din haf tO try hard at aLL...i was OLredi cryn...can't heLp it...emO yes...cOz i sO wLdn't wanna LOse any Of my LOve Ones sOOn....if itz separated by distance...Or by severing the ties...itz Ok...but by death...i dun wish fOr dat....but i knOw sOOner Or Later..i'LL haf tO face it...

he wrOte:
i've decided to cut myself off from everyone. i want to try and find myself again. it's come to a point when i don't know myself anymore. i've been to immersed in my music and i've shunned off a lot of things and i wish to try and get them back in track. try and get myself back in track. msn first, the internet and then lastly my phone. i hope i can do this. till then..

*muiacks* to ya.. you know who you are. i'll still talk to you coz i need you. :)

juz wOndering...wOt happens wen u dun Or wun need me anymOre?...

LOst in abyss's darkside uncovered at 2:46 PM